Season 5 of MTV’s Jersey Shore premiered last week, and it’s nice to seem them back in Jerz, with the boardwalk, the beach, and plenty of — or in some cases, too much — booze. But now that each of ‘em rakes in $100,000 per episode, our favorite Guidos and Guidettes can afford to get drunk and trash a place that’s way more luxe than their current Shore digs, so we found hotels where the cast can GTL (for non viewers, that means “gym-tan-laundry”) and enjoy a whole slew of Jersey-approved amenities. After all, you can take Snooki out of the Jersey Shore, but you can’t take the Jersey Shore out of Snooki.
Tanning Bed at The Peabody Orlando
As the “T” in GTL, tanning is important to the cast of Jersey Shore. In fact, Snooki was quite upset when Obama posed a federal tax on tanning salons. So she and the rest of the Jersey Shore crew would love the tanning bed at The Peabody Orlando. The Peabody’s impressive array of services, beautiful interiors, and top-notch restaurants make it one of Orlando’s classiest hotels — but that could easily change after just one visit from the cast.
Unlimited Booze at the Temptation Resort Spa Los Cabos
Booze is the Shore‘s unofficial ninth housemate: How else would we have gotten to see Snooki get arrested, The Situation run himself into a wall, or Pauly D. take home a grenade? But unlimited alcohol isn’t just found at the Jersey Shore house; all-inclusive spots offer just that, and we think Temptation Resort in Los Cabos is a nice pick for the Jersey Shore cast. The nightly, raucous parties are perfect for Deena, who has literally “danced her panties off.”
Laundry at the Grand Waikikian by Hilton Grand Vacations Club
Part of the GTL trifecta, doing laundry is a near-daily chore for the cast. But rather than lugging their dirty stuff to a laundromat everyday, wouldn’t it be nice if their place had its own washer/dryer? It would if they were staying at the Grand Waikikian. The resort’s time-share condos are chock full of luxury amenities, including Bosch appliances, flat screen TVs and high-end kitchens — perfect for making Sunday Dinner.
Hair Salon at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
Whether it results in Pauly D.’s blowout, Snooki’s poof, or Vinny’s new “juicehead in training” ‘do, a lot of effort goes into each cast member’s hair. They’d love the Brannon Hair Salon at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas for its long list of celebrity clientele, including Britney Spears and Jon Bon Jovi, where they’d get the star treatment. It doesn’t hurt that the salon’s inside of one Vegas’s top party spots.
The Situation didn’t get those washboard abs from sitting around all day, and even Snooks has shed quite a few pounds, so wherever they are, they’ll need a gym. And few can beat the one at the Canyon Ranch in Miami. Floor-to-ceiling windows offer ocean views from dozens of cardio machines, a killer rock-climbing wall and over 40 free fitness classes daily. Now go workout!